Friday, May 8, 2015

LIY: Learn It Yourself

Shggg, crck, iii, there, here, take, drop, clean, dirty, phhh, pshhh.
These are the sounds of the ever-changing workshop. The workshop moves organically, by its own cravings and wishes lingering in every wall, corner and tool. The workshop is a permutable organism. Things appear and disappear, organize and disorganize, furniture comes and goes. What you see as a trash actually is useful, and what seems useful might not be at all.
(I am writing this four days before Boltik Baik workshop week and since I started writing two vans full of stuff were unloaded here.)
And in the middle of this moving chaotic universe we’re supposed to have a design, a plan, and to renovate the place. Surprisingly things are advancing, starting to have a shape.
At first it was difficult for me to adapt. It’s sometimes hard to find a motivation to do what I want. And here I was, needed to do something I had not a clue about. I felt somewhat lost. If I didn’t have an explicit task my brain would just shut off and I froze while the time was passing. And time passes fast, flying and singing, like a seagull over the Baltic Sea.
One of the first weeks I went to the workshop to begin the work. After 4 hours of work I was feeling exhausted, demotivated, brainless. I didn’t know where to start, what I was doing or why I was doing it. I took a break, sat outside and used the little brain I had left to think about my dead status.
And suddenly it struck. I had an epiphany. Something incomprehensible became clearly obvious.

I started imagining the workshop during the main Boltik Baik week, filled with people and life. I saw the big picture. I understood that the motivation I was lacking many times was actually always in me. On the one hand I have to think about the goal, the result. I need to stop thinking: “Damn, I have to do X,” and to start thinking: “I really want Y, so I have to do X.” And on the other hand, the goal, the motivation is also (and sometimes mainly) the process. The doing, failing and learning.
Yeah, maybe it seems obvious. But feeling it and doing it  - it’s not the same thing. And I’m not going to lie. I’m still not the most active-ready-to-work person. But now I found the motivation, now I know better the questions I need to ask myself and I can just start doing things without overthinking.

I hope I will bring this feeling home.  


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